was one of those rare nights where nothing felt right, everything had an uneasy feeling to it.
As a storm rolled in, I could feel and even hear my heartbeat not slowing down. Outside of the rain and occasional thunder, you could hear a pin drop. I tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable place. My dog laid dead to the world under the blanket, occasionally “rrrrgg” when I would bump and disturb her.
When I couldn’t calm down, it actually caused a completely adverse effect as k could feel my heart start racing and my anxiety level rose for no apparent reason to me which it seemed besides not being able to relax.
As a few hours passed, at one point even getting up to stretch, grab a glass of water and stare out the window I eventually fell asleep and into one of the most vivid and horrifying nightmares of my life. I woke up covered in sweat, out of breath looking at the window as the lightning cracked outside. I laid back down relieved that it was just a dream and rolled over…there was no one there. The pillow and bed were cold.
At that moment I felt myself break down inside, the rest of the night and morning as the sun rose was spent in and out of being quietly devastated that THIS part wasn’t a dream.
…but is the fake smile I slap on daily convincing enough?